i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
