So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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