I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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