I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
