We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
