so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
