I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
