Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
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