Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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