Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
