the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Terrible idea I love it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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