My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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