Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
