so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
