so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
