I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
