"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
