party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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