I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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