I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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