i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I love you.
Bad choice
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
