eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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