I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
