My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize