You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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