So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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