the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
