just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
