It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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