I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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