I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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