Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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