did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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