Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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