my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
