kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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