This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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