You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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