im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
