why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
