I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
