i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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