They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
