i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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