I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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