i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
