i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
