He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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