I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
