i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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