someone threw a dead crab at me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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