I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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