His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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