I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
