i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
