i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
