So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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