Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
