I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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