Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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