You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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