All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
