I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
