I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
