remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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