Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize