I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
