There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize