The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
